One of the best feelings in the world, at least to me, is the loving rush in the beginning of a relationship. Everything is new and you never know what you’re going to feel from one day to the next or one hour to the next. The butterflies are real and you feel them every time you anticipate a phone call or plan the next time you get to see each other. Every thing about the other person is perfect and sometimes even you feel like you could be perfect. And when the other person is not with you, you feel the realest and sincerest form of missing someone. Just the mere thought of that person or getting the opportunity to talk about that person makes you smile and fills your heart with joy and warm fuzzy things. And it’s weird because when you know it is getting close to having to say goodbye on the phone or in person, you feel a slight wave of sadness and you miss that person already, even though you are still on the phone or still in their presence.
I remember when Omar and I first started dating and that loving rush was in full swing. We lived about 30 minutes away from each other so I cherished every opportunity that we could be together. There were a few occasions of talking on the phone all night until the early hours of the morning and I didn’t care that I could possibly fall asleep at my desk at work. I never wanted to be the one to say goodbye first because I never wanted our conversations to end. I just wanted to absorb as much of him as I could all the time. The butterflies were real and I loved them. I loved him.
I can’t recall if I was visiting for the night or if I was suppose to spend the night at his place, but I do recall that I needed to leave by a certain time to pick up my daughter from her boyfriend’s house and take her home. It was just an ordinary evening and we were just hanging out, watching TV and enjoying our quality time. I remember getting that feeling of slight sadness and a form of longing for him because I knew I was going to have to leave him to drive all the way back home. Right before I was about to tell him what I needed to do, I looked at him. I just looked at him and smiled to myself. He was so gorgeous. Very handsome. And I knew I was already missing him even though I hadn’t left yet. I finally pushed the invisible lump out of my throat and told him that I needed to go. And I’ll never forget what happened next…. Sigh.
He looked bummed. I mean, he looked genuinely bummed. I was amazed because I knew right then and there that he felt the same way I did. I didn’t want our evening to end yet and neither did he. As sweet as our goodnight kisses were, I didn’t want to give him one yet. And neither did he. At some point, the wheels in his head starting turning and he shared a thought, or rather laid out a plan to me and to this day, I smile and feel so wonderful when I think about it. It was one of those rare times when I felt cherished, wanted, and loved. And I fell in love with him all over again. I think I fall in love again every time I sit back and remember this.
So the plan was this: he would drive me all the way back to my hometown, pick up my daughter, drop her home, and bring me back to spend the rest of the evening with him. It was simple. It was brilliant. It was utterly sweet. And he totally had me at, “So this is the plan….” I was so smitten with the thought that this gorgeous man wanted to keep me with him as much as I wanted to stay with him. Talk about a loving rush.
I know that we talked during the drive to get my daughter and I know we talked on way back to his place, but all I can really remember is the way he made me feel. I kept glancing over at him and smiling. I kept thinking, “Oh my gosh, I love you.” There is nothing better than knowing that the person you want to be with, wants to be with you too and feels it just as much as you do. It’s an amazing feeling. It lets you know that you are not alone in what you feel and think. You’re not crazy for being borderline obsessed with the other person and it’s ok to want to always be next to him (or her). Whatever it is that you are feeling, it is great to know that maybe, just maybe, they are feeling it too. Always hold on to that loving rush.